I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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