I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
