part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
