I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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