yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
