just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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