insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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