Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
