I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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