saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize