There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
