he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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