can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
