Pappa wants mamma naked
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
