I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
