dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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