i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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