i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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