i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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