hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
