guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
