Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
