why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
