I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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