Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize