Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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