The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I see more hoeing in ur future
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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