Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
