bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
