u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
