I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
