Are we in a gay sports bar?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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