I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
