So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Actions speak louder than pants.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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