Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Small penises have feelings too.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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