i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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