I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
