My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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