Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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