Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
