Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
