will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
