woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
