Your mouth is God's brothel.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
