Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
