I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
