he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
