Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
