Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize