Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
