before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
