Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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