every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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