Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize