apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
