Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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