pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
