He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
