Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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