What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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