just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize