my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there was a trapeze. enough said
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
