How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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