So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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