I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize