I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
