And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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