did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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