Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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