woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
