Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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