I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
