fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
