He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
