Non-Jews are for practice
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
