Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize