The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
