And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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