Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
