Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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