1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
