I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize