I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
