if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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