when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it glows. i had to have it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
