It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
