We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize