I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
