i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
