Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
