Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
