how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
