ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
