just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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